In an unprecedented feat of putting one’s money where one’s mouth is, the digital marketing guru formerly known as Golam Mostafa has changed his name to Golam Rocky Road Mostafa.
In a long-winded status update on Facebook that tragically had no tl;dr, he has stated that this change has been made with Search Engine Optimization (SEO) in mind. He believes that his new name, which can be shortened to the cool acronym GRRM, will make him easier to find on the Internet.
“My previous name was given to me by my grandfather on his deathbed. While that name had a lot of sentimental value, my grandfather was no digital marketer, heck, I don’t think he even found out that content is king before he died,” he wrote.
He continued, “In my 29 years of life and 15 years of internet experience, I have noticed that there are too many Golam Mostafas. Rocky Road itself is a very famous dessert. By themselves, these words have no dynamism. But by combining these two things and adopting it as my name, I have done what many an alchemist has wanted to do for centuries. I have rubbed two gold coins together to produce a third.”
Golam Rocky Road Mostafa rambled on, “Are you Begum Sokhina, husband of a Golam Mostafa who left to get eggs one day, ended up starting a digital marketing agency, and never came back, and now you’re searching for him on Google because you have lost all hope? Well, your husband may never return but your first search result will now lead to my Digital Marketing Agency!
“How exciting is that? Maybe you’re a teenager trying to impress your “special friend” by making them their favourite dessert. You search for recipes of Rocky Road, there’s a good chance one of the first seven results will be yours truly, Golam Rocky Road Mostafa, Digital Marketing Guru. This is the power of SEO!”
This shocking revelation of a new name received thunderous response from Golam Rocky Road Mostafa’s followers. While it was mostly applauded, a comment briefly appeared asking whether this change had anything to do with the fact that searching for “Golam Mostafa digital marketer” on Google leads to evidence of criminal activity from the past.
Thankfully, the comment was swiftly deleted. When someone else asked whether the acronym GRRM would get confusing for fans of author George RR Martin, writer of the best fantasy-fiction series ever, Golam Rocky Road Mostafa replied, “It’s a feature, not a bug,” followed by a wink emoji.